I don’t know why I am writing this. I have never maintained a diary. I never wrote letters. Hated writing essays. Never even dreamed of creative writing before. Never put my thoughts to paper. . .but here I am , doing just that.
Last night while I was talking to a friend, I was told that writing is therapeutic. I don’t know if it is but the sheer frustration of the mind manifesting itself into a bunch of congruous words on paper sure does feel good.. Hopefully a few coherent lines may result. All i know is that the feel of pencil on paper , vigourously trying to encapsulate your every thought as you try to keep your writing in sync with your mind takes your mind away from all that nonsense going on inside your head.
I have been thinking about it. For nearly an hour now. Why write anything at all? I could very easily pick up the phone and talk to someone if that’s what I wished. But perhaps that’s precisely why I am writing all this.. I am done with that bit . I no longer wish to be emotionally dependant on another human being for my survival and well being. That is what landed me here in the first place. I need to counsel myself; I myself hold the key to my well being. That’s the only way I’ll ever learn to wean myself off my friend who has stood by me unflinchingly. I do not say that he will not be by my side when I need him or that all my gibberish bother s him the least bit when I’m in one of those moods of frenzied panic. But I think the time has come that I left that emotional nest and took flight. And perhaps that time is now.
Last night while I was talking to a friend, I was told that writing is therapeutic. I don’t know if it is but the sheer frustration of the mind manifesting itself into a bunch of congruous words on paper sure does feel good.. Hopefully a few coherent lines may result. All i know is that the feel of pencil on paper , vigourously trying to encapsulate your every thought as you try to keep your writing in sync with your mind takes your mind away from all that nonsense going on inside your head.
I have been thinking about it. For nearly an hour now. Why write anything at all? I could very easily pick up the phone and talk to someone if that’s what I wished. But perhaps that’s precisely why I am writing all this.. I am done with that bit . I no longer wish to be emotionally dependant on another human being for my survival and well being. That is what landed me here in the first place. I need to counsel myself; I myself hold the key to my well being. That’s the only way I’ll ever learn to wean myself off my friend who has stood by me unflinchingly. I do not say that he will not be by my side when I need him or that all my gibberish bother s him the least bit when I’m in one of those moods of frenzied panic. But I think the time has come that I left that emotional nest and took flight. And perhaps that time is now.
As I am posting this up on the net. It’s been almost 2 months since I started maintain a log of all that I’ve been going through, mentally. . a lot of things have changed.
I no longer write on paper. Guess I’m going to be little tech savvy going forward huh. .
I am glad I started writing this. It has helped me answer a lot of questions that I wish I had answered a long time ago. It would have saved me a lot of emotional distress. A lot of time. . Don’t really know what else I lost in the bargain.
I am a lot more stable emotionally than I was when I started this sometime back. I am now aware of anything that passes through my head. Every single thought. I no longer feel the need to do anything I do not wish to. I no longer feel the need to conform to the stereotype that this society has formed for me as an individual. I am finally comfortable doing what I want to do.
I am a lot more open minded now. About a lot. Maybe even in a state to accept failure as a normal part of life. . I now belive that if God has given me troubles, it is because he has chosen me as a few of his people who can face adversity. I feel special cos I know that I will prevail. Not that which ails me. It will only leave me stronger at the end of it all.
I do not wish to judge anybody. I do not wish to be judged.
All that matters is I’m living my today and I intend to make it the best darn ‘today’ I have ever lived .
Someone recently told me that I was rapidly evolving into an organism far beyond recognition. At this time I know not if this is for better or for worse. All I know is that I am now liberated like never before.And I sure as hell am loving it.
With that thought in mind, signing off. . Adios ..
What a start eh! Bole toh..full on! Keep writing and post them more often..dont archive them this time over okie :)
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