"I had as many doubts as anyone else. Standing on the starting line, we're all cowards." -Alberto Salazar, three-time winner of the NYC marathon

Nothing better echoes my sentiments on that fateful day as I got ready to run my first ever distance race. 10 KM!! A diminutive number some might say, but nothing less than a herculean task for me.

I still remember it like it was yesterday..
It was the middle of December when my friend was prodding me to try and move beyond mere walking. . Try and jog is what he said. Always being a heavy kid, I had my fears. Having tried to jog on and off over the years, but never completely being able to establish that I COULD do more than just amble on, I’d given up all hope. But none the less, I decided to try again. I have not looked back since!!

The race was flagged of at 8:03 by my watch. It took a good 13 minutes before I even reached the start line. . All I remember was that I still had no idea if I’d be completing the race that day .A long talk with an old friend had made me set out a modest 70 min target. Roughly 8.6 km/hr.Pretty achievable!! Except that I’d never run that distance before without taking a break. Would I be able to do that?? Only time would tell.

Be Smart!! Know when to cut your losses and drop out. That’s what a leading journal prescribed amongst its tips for race day. And the entire time I spent warming up in the holding area, I wondered if that was the only piece of advice from the multitude of information I had gone through while preparing for this race that I was going to make use of that day.

As I took to the roads of Bangalore, it was very different from the roads that I’m accustomed to seeing. There were no cars as far as I could see. Felt almost like heaven on Earth to be honest. For a minute I wished I was on my bike. When else would I get an opportunity to ride in Bangalore without any traffic? That too on MG Road . Alas, what substituted for the lack of traffic was the hustling and jostling one needed to do to make way for running. As we were lead towards Anil Kumble Circle from the stadium, the crowds only seemed to be getting slower by the minute. Trying to maintain my preset pace, I started to run on the pavement. For the next 2-3 km before I broke away from the crowds, I shuffled continuously between the Road and the Pavement. Though it worked out fine, in retrospect I feel extremely stupid for such a silly move. It could well have cost me the race, or taken me out for good.

I then established a steady comfortable rhythm that all runners get into after a certain time /distance. It’s a pace that a runner can run at for miles without giving up or being tired. As I came up to my 8th kilometer, I realized how tired I actually was. The heat had also begun to get to me now. But on the other hand, being properly warmed up, I was running quite hard and very comfortably too. I took a little glucose from one of the stands, poured some water over myself and decided to go all out. The 70 minute target was now very achievable. But optimism knows no bounds and I was now trying to do it in less than 60 minutes. J I decided that the only I was going to finish the remaining two kms had to be running. And in the madness that ensued, I forgot to cross the 5th time marker. A move that cost me a finisher t-shirt!! :(

These last two km were the fastest and perhaps the most difficult too. I had started to cramp up now. My knees were screaming out in pain. I remember being told that I have never pushed my body to the limit. And there I was trying to do just that. . Learning to run with the pain. . Pushing harder. Doing it!!! Not Thinking!!!
And as I crossed the 9th km marker, I knew I was now going to make it home. On my own two feet!! As this dawned upon me, I was suddenly overwhelmed. It was just a matter of time now. I was already on the home stretch. I made it just under 63 minutes. No one to celebrate the victory with, I sat in a corner and reflected on the race I had just ran. I thought of the innumerable times I had given up on challenges, not because I couldn’t rise up to them. But because I did not believe I could. I thought of all those who had pushed me to do this: some with encouragement, some with their unkind words. I thought of why I had started running. What I had set out to achieve and what I had got back in return.

A few months back I ‘ran’ because it set me free. When I ran, it seemed to me that could do anthing!! It made me feel invincible. If I ran a little harder, I’d take off into thin air .It took me away from my reality, it liberated me. I ran because it helped me clear the cobwebs of my mind. Running was the means to a euphoric end.

It is not the same now.H aving kept at this for some time now and at the threshold of yet another race, I can say that I run because running emulates life. It is now an inseparable part of me.

A quote that might better express what my own words may never be able to:

"As runners, we all go through many transitions that closely mimic the larger changes we experience in a lifetime. First , we try to run faster. Then we try to run farther. Then we learn to accept ourselves and our limitations, and at last, we can appreciate the true joy and meaning of running. It’s not about how fast you go. It's not about how far you go. It's a process. As we run, we become." - Amby Burfoot